Monday, January 29, 2007

On the bright side

Thank you, kind readers and dear friends, for your thoughtful notes and emails during this past week. (Not to mention the lasagnas, pizzas, and other yummy food you've sent my way!)

Things are looking up. The pain is significantly less than it was; I can lift my baby again, as long as I don't do it ALL day, and while I'm still taking people's offers of meals and babysitting, I'm not as dependent on it as I was last week.

Here's a little bit of what I've been thinking about and learning:

1) I'm lousy at asking for and accepting help. This week has stretched me in this area, which is a good thing.

2) Community is valuable and worth the investment of time and energy we put into it.

3) My 5-year-old noisy boys are more flexible and independent than I thought they were. I'm such a "routine" kind of Mom, and it was good for me to see how easily they rolled with the punches. (Twin A, who if given a choice would have spent the last five years of his life never leaving our house, excitedly asked me, "So, what's my schedule today? Who's taking me to preschool? Will I have a playdate after school?") It does my heart good to see them able to connect with other people in their lives and be fine, even without ME to take care of their every need.

4) I am really, really grateful to have such a happy, easygoing baby. Enough said.

5) My identity is more wrapped up in my role of Mom and Wife than I thought it was. Take away my ability to take care of everybody, and I'm pretty unhappy. I know my identity needs to be found in Christ, but it's not. Pray for me.

6) Doing my job is exhausting and in "normal" day-to-day life, I'm too hard on myself. Watching my husband be "Super Dad" all week wore me out as I objectively watched him do the million things I normally do, and collapse on the couch at seven o'clock exhausted. Raising three kids and taking care of our household IS a huge job, and at this stage of the game, I'm never caught up on everything. But that's okay.

7) God has blessed me with a wonderful family. I complain about the chaos too often on this blog. I love our family full of noisy boys, and--even more surprising--I really do love my job as a stay-at-home Mom. When the twins were babies, I used to dream of putting on my pantyhose and going to work at a "real" job. It felt like a huge sacrifice to be home with them and not pursuing my own career interests. It doesn't feel like such a sacrifice anymore. I like where I'm at in life, and the people I share life with.

8) This blog has become too self centered. Seriously. As I ease back into life, I'm sure I'll have more intersting things to write about than ME. :-)


Rod Karmenzind said...

I think your identity of wife and mom is already in Christ and is a very sacred role. You have given yourself to your calling and I think it's normal and good to find real worth in it because it is an incredibly valuable position, maybe the most valuable role one can have. Your "complaining" really connects as you wrap things in humor and insight stating exactly how you feel. You may think your blog is too self centered—I think it's an honest attempt not to hide who you are, how you feel—and this moves me. Real art is about something you know.

Llama Momma said...

Thanks, Rod! Yes, you're right -- this blog is about honestly and not hiding. Saying out loud what many are thinking and yet are afraid to say. There is something powerful in naming our emotions, good and bad.

Still thinking through the identity issue. More on that soon...