Thursday, January 24, 2008

apprehensive

I’m registered for a silent retreat next week. Five days of solitude and silence, prayer, and spiritual direction. I leave on Monday.

I’ve gone on silent retreats before, but never for this long.

I’m nervous.

No computer.
No phone.
No distractions.

Just me and God.

In her book Wilderness Time, Emilie Griffin observes:
“When we go on retreat we clear space for God’s action in our calendar… Making a retreat requires a certain kind of trust. We need to trust the Spirit. In contrast to vacations or holidays in which activities – planned sight-seeing, sports, entertainment, or events – are within our control, retreat leads us into a less predictable situation. We don’t know what God has in store for us, but we are willing to risk what we will find out.”


Trust. Yes. This is where the apprehension is coming from. I am a Planner with a capital P. I don’t like leaving things up in the air or even up to other people––I like to take care of things myself. The ugly term for this, I believe, is––ahem––control freak.

But this retreat isn’t about my agenda. It’s about making space for God to work in my heart and life.

12 comments:

NaNcY said...

very interesting. i would like to know how it goes.

Andrea said...

that sounds (a-hem) divine.:)
I took an overnight retreat similar to that last Spring. It was great.

Frazzmom said...

The semi-controlled chaos that is my everday life makes me crave solitute... I can't wait to hear about it afterwards!

Mommy Cracked said...

That sounds like a great retreat. I will be thinking about you and praying it's a spiritually productive week for you. Although I *will* miss seeing Llama Mama at my blog. Take care and enjoy!

spaghettipie said...

Sounds like a wonderful and scary opportunity. I hope you return refreshed and renewed. I can't wait to hear more about it.

Llama Momma said...

nancy -- I'll definitely report back!

Andrea -- I know. It's such an amazing opportunity! I think that's why I'm surprised by my own apprehension.

FrazzMom -- Me too. Except the chaos isn't even controlled. :-)

mommy cracked -- absence makes the heart grow fonder!

SP -- Me too, my friend. Me too.

ChosenRebel said...

Enjoy. I have had several over the years and highly recommend them to everyone. The spiritual discipline of solitude is too often neglected in 21st century spiritual formation. How can we hear the voice of God without it?

Jenny from Chicago said...

You might be the coolest person I know, well, sort of know....umm...don't really know at all. But you are really cool, love that you are doing this and can't wait to hear how it went.

Marmot Mom said...

How brave you are to trust God in this way! There is a lot of work involved in being comfortable with solitude. I will pray for great discipline and great blessing!

mommy zabs said...

Good For You!
I have been longing for a retreat like this. though I know it would be very hard for me.

Craver Vii said...

I would like to experience a silent retreat some day, and look forward to hearing how it goes for you.

Ted M. Gossard said...

Yes. Great idea, and I am curious as to what the agenda was and in what setting.