asking for help

I read somewhere that women would rather choke to death (literally) than call attention to themselves. I believe it.

Recently, a friend (who will remain nameless*) was up all night in pain. She didn't call a friend to drive her to the ER because she didn't want to bother anyone. She waited until morning to send an email asking for help. She didn't want anyone to be alarmed by a late-night or early morning phone call even though it was, um, an emergency.

I gave her a terrible time the next day, and I'm hopeful that next time, she will call when she has an emergency. I like to think I would, but who am I kidding? I hate to put people out too. (Maybe that's why we're friends?)

I know I'm not alone in this.

We all know a "needy Nelly" who is constantly bombarding us with requests for a favor, and we don't want to be like her. So we suffer along, hoping things will get better or someone will just magically know what we need without our asking. And along the way, we rob the people closest to us from the opportunity to serve because we never let on that things aren't just fine thankyouverymuch.

So, ladies, how about a New Year's resolution to ask for help from a friend when we need it? I'm not talking about a generic facebook plea, I'm talking about reaching out to a real, live friend and asking specifically for what we need. Something like:

-- I'm scared to go for my mammogram because last time they found something fuzzy and I never followed up. Will you go with me?

--I'm depressed. Will you pray for me?

-- Can we get together for coffee soon? I really need to talk to a friend.

-- Can I drop my kids off this weekend for a few hours? My husband and I need to get out alone.

You get the idea. And next time you think you might need to go to the ER and your husband is out of town? Call a friend. They'll be glad to help.

* Details have been changed to protect privacy. My friend will be fine.

friends

Walking back from the school drop off, I’m struck by the strength of the women in my company. Each day we walk back and forth, chatting about homework and diapers and soccer practice and carpools. Most days we laugh, but occasionally we cry.

When I think about each woman and what’s on her plate, I marvel: how on earth does she do it? How do any of us do it?

Up before light, we pack lunches and fold clothes and unload the dishwasher. We check homework tucked into backpacks. We get the kids up and fed and off to school. Then we return to tend other kids, chores, and sometimes work. Pick-up in the afternoon is a bright spot. A chance to laugh at the things that didn’t go quite the way we’d planned. Playdates planned and favors freely given, we’ve formed a community for which I’m grateful.

And then we’re home for snacks and playdates and homework. We make dinner, clean it up, and make sure reading is done. We work some more.

And at the end of the day, we collapse and wonder why we’re so tired.

Today, women, I’m struck by our strength. Too often we complain of our weaknesses: too much chocolate, not enough exercise, our houses aren’t clean enough and on and on we list all the ways we don’t measure up.

But look at all the ways we do measure up. Take a good, long, honest look. And today, my friends, let’s celebrate who we are and what we do. Because it’s awesome.