neighbor update

Thank you for praying for our neighbor, Jay, and his family. I'm saddened to update this blog with news of his passing. My heart is heavy this morning for his wife and two children. Pray for them.

please pray

I don't often post prayer requests on my blog, but this one is very close to home.

My neighbor was in a terrible car accident the day before Thanksgiving. Would you please keep him and his family in your prayers?

www.prayforjay.org

Leslie's battle with cancer ended last night.

Please pray for Tyson and T.J. as they grieve this unimaginable loss.

leslie

Please pray for Leslie.

As I’ve mentioned here before, she’s been battling cancer since last fall and has recently taken a turn for the worse.

Please pray for her and her husband, Tyson, and their precious little boy, TJ.

California wildfires, cancer and a bike ride

Winding through the neighborhood on my bike, I reach the trail. Everyone tells me this is a good place to ride, but I’m suspicious. It’s hard to shake the memories of bike riding through the mountains in California and be satisfied with this meandering path through the prairie, but I take a deep breath and embrace what is: this trail with its tall grasses and singing birds, fresh spring air, a measure of silence.

I breathe in the crisp air, sweet as Boone’s Farm wine, and quickly become intoxicated with its healing beauty.

My thoughts wander back and forth like the dirt trail I ride on. Even after almost seven years, I miss California. I consider the out of control wildfires there, grateful my mother moved away from Santa Cruz a couple of years ago.

I pray for Leslie, a constant prayer I’ve prayed all week: God have mercy. Be present to her. Heal her. Please, God. Heal her.

I coast down a hill and feel the cobwebs in my soul scatter, leaving me exposed; vulnerable. I ride along quietly with a keen awareness of God’s gentle presence. Unanswered questions sit between us. We’re quiet, like estranged lovers who run into each other at the mall, both waiting for the other one to say the first word.

A character in the story I’m writing dances in my mind, and I’m dying to write it all down. I consider cutting across the path and over to Starbucks where I can scribble on napkins, but I need to get home and shower, go to the grocery store, clean the kitchen floor. So I head back home instead.

unmothers

I woke up at four o’clock this morning to get Twin A. a cough drop and had a hard time going back to sleep.

I prayed for Leslie, who would covet all of your prayers, today and in the days to come.

And it’s Mother’s day. I thought about that too. For many, this is not an easy holiday. I thought of those women in the night too. Grieving mothers. Women who long to be mothers but aren’t, for one reason or another. Mothers who have lost children. Children who have lost mothers.

These unmothers are on my heart this morning. I was one of them for so long, I’m not sure I’ll ever completely shed that feeling of not belonging on a day like today. As I go to church with my three sweet boys, I’ll be on the lookout for someone to encourage. Someone who is longing to have a conversation that has nothing to do with motherhood or babies or their own mother.

And this afternoon? I’ll take a long nap. I’ll enjoy a nice dinner with our extended family, and then I’ll sneak out for a movie with a friend. That really is my favorite way to spend mother’s day…or any day, for that matter.

Enjoy your day too, if you’re a Mom. And if you’re one of the unmothers who’s reading this? Know that you’re not forgotten today.

God hears

“Mom?” Twin A. whispers into the dark room.

“Yes?” I ask.

“I’m so, so scared.”

Taking him in my arms, I pray, “God. A’s feeling scared tonight. Would you help him to remember all the ways you love him and all the ways we love him so he could feel less afraid? Thanks, God. Amen.”

“Why do you always do that?” Twin A. asks.

“Do what?”

“Pray. It never works. I’m still scared.”

“It feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it? But God hears our prayers, A.”

“Then why doesn’t he DO something?”

Good question. And when I’m the one who’s scared in a dark room, I’m rarely satisfied with easy answers. But I do know that God hears us when we pray. No matter what the situation, we are not without hope.

“We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone." (Psalm 33:20-22)

Would you join me in praying for Leslie tonight? She’s back in the hospital. Pray that she and Tyson and their young son would be surrounded by the Lord’s unfailing love tonight.

please pray

I don’t often post prayer requests on my blog, but would you please pray for the Achlimans today? Tyson, Leslie and their young son are a part of our church family, and have been on a long, hard road since Leslie was diagnosed with cancer last fall.

Today, she faces another difficult surgery.

Read more about their journey here.

Oh gracious, sovereign Lord,
hold Leslie in your hands today.
May she and Tyson know your presence;
and, please, God
heal her.
Amen.

hard

“Mom? Can you help me tape this?” Twin A. asks.
“Not right now, sweetie. Do the best you can, okay?” I respond, holding a screeching baby with one arm and a basket of dirty laundry in the other. It’s 10:00 and nobody is dressed yet, the baby is as cranky as he’s ever been, and I didn’t get more than two hours of sleep in a row last night. A too-high smoke alarm beeps every three minutes. I think it needs a new battery.

I turn on some music and try to warm the mood in our home, which at the moment teeters somewhere between difficult and total chaos.

I grab baby b.’s cozy blanket and binky, and sit down on the floor to cuddle him. We sing along to the music, and the dark cloud lifts just a little. I manage to help Twin A. with the tape.

“Today is a hard day,” Twin A. tells me. “baby b. won’t stop crying.”
“Yeah,” Twin B. agrees, “it’s giving me a headache.”
“Yes,” I agree, “it is a hard day. Today is a ‘let’s just do the best we can’ kind of day.”

“Lord,” I pray aloud, “be present with us on this hard day. I give you my agenda––the laundry, the sticky floor, the scattered toys, my need for a nap. Please give me your perspective for today.”

The only magic in this prayer happens in my own attitude. Suddenly, it is enough to sit on the floor in my pajamas and simply be with my children.

And now, as I write this a few hours later, the noisy boys are at school, baby b. is napping, and the laundry is in the washer. I left a message with a tall neighbor to ask for his help with my smoke alarm. I can take a nap, scrub the floor and clean up the toys.

I am reminded once again of how much energy I expend trying to avoid hard. I plan ahead and try to make good choices, but sometimes, there’s no avoiding hard. It’s a part of life.

words for a friend

When I stepped into the world of blogging, I had no idea what I would find. Honestly, I was just looking for a place to write and exchange ideas with other people who were looking for a place to write and exchange ideas.

And so I met Charity, and was immediately struck by the depth of her insight. I have been encouraged and challenged by her thoughts. I have grown to love her as a sister in Christ.

I wept as I read of her current struggle with cancer, surprised by the depth of my own emotion for this woman I have never met. After all, wasn’t I just saying that blogging cannot take the place of true community? And yet my first instinct had me checking mapquest to find out just how far away she actually lives. Maybe not too far to bring a casserole, which is what I tend to do when there are no words.

And then L.L. Barkat invited us to share our thoughts about Charity, and it got me thinking again about community. If there is a place for casseroles and hugs, is there not also a place for words?

Even when there are no words.

Friends – please pray for Charity.