Friday, September 21, 2007

oh gross

I cannot believe I just did that. It happened so fast, before I could even think about it. And there was really no question—I had to do it.

I just put my hand in the toilet.

Let me explain.

It’s really hard to buy underwear for the noisy boys. They have super skinny frames, so they wear an extra small size. The problem? They prefer just plain white, and the super small sizes all have Thomas or Blue’s Clues or some other “baby” thing on them. Which brings me to today’s toilet crisis. I was picking up their dirty clothes off the floor when a brand new pair of GAP, white undies dropped into the toilet. What could I do? As usual, it had been the only pack of plain white XS underwear on the shelf. And there was one pair of three, soaking up toilet water.

So I had to do it.

Now, dear readers, please tell me I’m not alone in my grossness. What have you done for your children that you thought you’d never do?

18 comments:

Jenny from Chicago said...

The list is too long to leave here. However, the plunge into the toilet is a good one -- especially after an "evacuation". Momming idn't for Sissies as one of my friends likes to say....and it's why I use antibacterial soap at the sink, and in the shower. Yikes!!

Ellen said...

A few weeks ago our five-year old was coughing. It sounded like he might be choking or getting ready to throw up. Without thinking I threw my cupped hands in front of his mouth to catch whatever might come out. He didn't throw up... he spit. Right into my hand. Aaackkk! Puke would have been pretty gross, but I didn't expect him to deliberately spit into my hands.

I have also stuck my hand into the toilet (more than once!) to retrieve toys our two-year old threw in.

Ah, the joys of being a mom :)

Llama Momma said...

Jenny -- Oh, come on. Just pick one story. Inquiring minds want to know!!

Ellen -- I'm glad I'm not alone with the toilet thing. I've done a lot of gross things as a Mom, but this one definitely hits the Top Ten. :-)

Craver Vii said...

Aside from the wet, smelly and poopy diapers, there was one thing. My younger daughter decided to "cook" for my wife and me one day. She mixed bread, ketchup, peanut butter, water, and a bunch of other stuff in a bowl. Mom was all smiles as she said that she had JUST eaten. I was forced to eat the whole thing by myself, pretending to enjoy it, so that I wouldn't squelch her generosity or creativity. BLEKTHH!!

Llama Momma said...

Craver -- EEEW!! :-p

Jenn said...

Well, this wasn't my child, nor was it exactly volitional, but:

When I was a nanny, I looked after a very young (at the beginning) baby who had a devastating reflux problem, so I spent most of my days washing clothes (his and mine) which had been spewed all over. But to top it off, his parents' golden retriever was a jealous old thing, and she took to defecating in the house because of the presence of this new baby.

One really really early morning as I groggily trudged up the stairs to get the wakened baby out of his crib, I put my be-socked foot directly into a pile of dog poop which the ornery canine had deposited precisely in the middle of the baby's doorway.

Maria Dodson said...

There really isn't too much that grosses me out, but I am pretty embarrassed to admit that on a couple of occasions i found myself - almost unconsciously - picking food off my son's face and putting it directly into my mouth. (pretty gross, huh?!)

I need some coffee said...

I grabbed my spare bible out of the toilet just last week. I keep it in a basket on the back of the toilet. I didn't even ask how it could have made it in there. My 7 year old just kept saying how sorry she was so I didn't want to push the subject. I know you are laughing at my bathroom bible but sometimes that's the only place were everyone will leave me alone for a few mins. :)

Antique Mommy said...

At least it was YOUR toilet! If that is the grossest thing you've ever had to do, you are in good shape! Motherhood is just a series of events involving bodily fluids that are not my own. I'm numb to gross at this point. Really, I think I could scrub in on an amputation and it wouldn't phase me.

Emily said...

This is really the first time? Really? I am assuming mine is coming. I had a close call with a bink and the toilet this morning, but I didn't have to go fishing. I clearly recall my mom getting stuff out of the toilet repeatedly, my brother thought everything went in there, including the cordless phone. I think I have gone fishing in the past but I don't remember any specific time, I just know it has been done.

I have been puked on, full on skin to skin puking, it went down my pants. I have also been peed on, again down my pants, and pooped on.

Marmot Mom said...

Okay LM, but just remember...YOU asked for it. Both my precious little ones were bottle fed and, in case you don't know, that can often result in severe constipation. There is nothing more horrifying than the scream of an infant halfway in the midst of a poop who can't get it all the way out. I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say I had a thermometer set aside to help them when they both got in this predicament A thermometer makes a very good digging tool. Like I said, you asked for it. BTW, I later discovered the magic cure for child constipation is a teaspoon of mineral oil. Works like a charm.

Frazzmom said...

Oh, if only it I could say that my children are now older and I never have to do gross things!

Last summer my then almost teenage daughter got sick in the middle of the night during a mission trip in Africa and threw up in the sink (she couldn't quite make it to the toilet).

Since plumbing isn't all that in third world countries- morning found me scooping chunky vomit out of the drain WITH MY HAND and transferring it to the toilet where it could be disposed of.

Needles to say I went through my enitre supply of hand sanitizer that morning!

Llama Momma said...

jenn -- YUCK! Yet another good reason to not get a dog!!

Maria -- Okay, not that's gross...

I need some coffee -- I completely understand the bible in the bathroom thing. Sometimes I pretend I have to go to the bathroom just to be alone. (SHHHH!)

Llama Momma said...

Antique Mommy -- Good point. And I'm not sure it's the grossest thing I've done, but the fact that I did it without even thinking about it disturbs me.

Emily -- You know, it's probably not the first time, or the grossest -- but it was the natural reflex of my actions that bothers me. Like, motherhood has reduced me to THIS: a person who reaches into the toilet. And that's gross!

Llama Momma said...

marmot mom -- I did this once with baby b. NOT fun. And really gross!

Llama Momma said...

frazzmom -- I think this may win the "gross out" prize. :-)

Jenny from Chicago said...

Wait...your kids leave you alone in the bathroom????? At what age does that start?

Llama Momma said...

jenny -- Somewhere between 3 and 4, I insisted on privacy. It doesn't always work, but I insist on it just the same. :-)