Friday, April 20, 2007

Walk-for-Life

As many of you know, the ministry of crisis pregnancy centers is close to my heart. When I was a teenager, I became pregnant. I was terrified and didn’t know what to do or where to turn. I went to a CPC for support, and they counseled me through one of the most difficult seasons of my life. I chose to have my child, a son, and place him in an adoptive family. My counselor at the center was incredible. She asked me hard questions, she listened, and over and over again, she pointed me to Jesus.

This year, I’m participating in the Walk for Life to raise money for Living Alternatives, a crisis pregnancy center near where I live. Every day the CPC reaches out to women and children with the love of Christ, offering practical help and hope in the midst of crisis. If you’d like to sponsor me and support Living Alternatives, click here.

This seems like a shameless solicitation, which I suppose it is. Even as I write that word, “shameless,” I’m reminded of the power that shame has held over me. Up until a couple of years ago, this was a big secret from all but a few. And then I chose to publish a part of my story in Focus on the Family, and, well, with a readership of 1,700,000, it pretty much blew my cover, which was a good thing. I got tired of hiding; tired of pretending my second pregnancy was my first, and my third pregnancy was my second. I got tired of hiding his picture every time I invited someone over. The weight of the secret intensified my shame.

And when I think of my birthson, who will be seventeen this year, shame is not the word I want associated with his life. He is a gift from God, a blessing to many, and living proof of God’s redeeming grace.

20 comments:

Craver Vii said...

Wow. Thanks for sharing.

Maria Dodson said...

I'm so glad you had the courage to 'blow your cover'. Walk on, sister.

Maria Dodson said...

Can I link to this post on my blog..the readership is not great, but i'd like to help. :)

Llama Momma said...

craver - thanks, I think! ("Wow" has so many interpretations. But knowing you a little bit, I'm guessing you mean "Wow, that's kind of cool but I can't believe you posted that on your blog." :-p )

maria - link away! When I initially came out of the closet, it was because I wanted to freely write about adoption issues from the perspective of the birthmother. (Media tends to present the birthmother in one of three ways: irresponsible loser, emotional basketcase, completely self-sacrificial, or extremely selfish. Anyone else watch Grey's Anatomy last night? UGH! Don't get me started!) The upside of going public is a sense of freedom in Christ that I have never known before.

Craver Vii said...

I was amazed at how powerfully redemptive it is when someone is truthfully transparent. Not just for one's self, but it's liberating even for the hearer. In reading what you wrote, I felt as if a burden was even removed from my own back. Isn't God great that way?

Llama Momma said...

Craver - isn't it amazing to serve a God who lifts our burdens? He already knows our struggle with sin, and yet we sort of hide from eachother and wear a mask of "it's all good," when the truth is: we are all desperate for grace.

spaghettipie said...

LM - Thanks so much for sharing. I'm adopted, so I also have a special place in my heart for this issue (and my mom started a Living Alternatives CPC in my hometown).
I'm thinking you just got an email - that was in reference to me (my identity revealed!) I'll put a link on my site as well.
Thanks for serving.

Llama Momma said...

SP - thank you! You are a blessing.

clc said...

always good to hear of what god has done, is doing, and is continuing to do. i like how you brought in the shame piece because christ did die for our sin and our shame.

MamaToo said...

Your writing was beautiful. Thank you, thank you the courage and humility shown in putting a face and perspective out there. You are a living testimony to a transforming God. Again, thank you!
(p.s. I don't have a lot of readership, either, but found you through Maria. May I link you as well?)

Llama Momma said...

clc - thank you. Shame is not of God, and when it creeps up in my life, I need to remember to lay it at the foot of the cross.

mamatoo - thank you for your kind words. You are more than welcome to link to me, if you feel so inclined! Blessings.

Anonymous said...

God is great thanks for sharing it means that I know you a little better. Your not just an ordinary housewife(domestic engineer) you are a wonderful person, cook, and freind.
bchef51

we've cooked together remember the burnt caramel??

Llama Momma said...

bchef -- who could forget the burnt caramel? Thank you for your kind words. And we really must cook together again soon...any events coming up? :-)

Andrea said...

Awesome!!
I am glad that the truth set you free, so to speak.
What a beautiful post. I see why it is close to your heart.

Llama Momma said...

Andrea - thanks for stopping by.

Thank you, all, for your many kind words. And even as I type this, I think of those reading who don't have any kind words to say, and so they say nothing. Adoption laws need reform, and I know many who have been hurt in the process (both parents and birthmothers). I open the floor to you, too, to express your thoughts.

Llama Momma said...

And one more thing before my day goes into overdrive: even if you can't give right now, click on giving link if you want to see a photo of me and baby b.

Craver gave me a hard time for having no photo up, so there you go! The Real, Live Llama Momma.

L.L. Barkat said...

If all our secrets were published, what a book that would be! And right off we would notice that we are not, in fact, so different. We just manifest our troubles in different ways.

Thanks for sharing your secret.

Llama Momma said...

thank you, LL.

Craver Vii said...

That's a sweet picture. Which one is you? ;-p

Llama Momma said...

Thanks, Craver. I'm the chubby one in green. Oh wait...