fill'er up

Funny stories, practical tips, tearful moments—they’re all a part of my annual pilgrimage to the Hearts at Home conference in Bloomington. Sitting in a crowd of four thousand moms, laughing over the commonality of our day-to-day experiences with laundry and kids and cooking fills me up and affirms the importance of my role as Mom.

On Saturday, Jill Savage talked about the importance of filling up our Mom tanks. After all, we give and give to everyone, and while it sounds noble to just ignore our own needs, it’s not wise to do this on a regular basis. And the truth is, nobody is going to knock on the door and say, “Hey! Let me give you a hand!” (Well, except sometimes my dear Mother-in-law does—bless her.) But in general, nobody will notice that we’re running on empty. We need to pay attention to our own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, and find ways to fill up periodically. Sometimes it’s as simple as a conversation with our spouse, “Can you put the kids to bed tonight? I need to take a bubble bath and curl up with a book.” Sometimes, it’s a phone call to a friend to organize a babysitting swap. Sometimes, we need to leave dirty dishes in the sink, let the laundry pile up, and just sit at the feet of Jesus.

I’m getting better at negotiating what I need. I can look at my calendar, see when my husband will be away, and efficiently outline my plan for survival. Sometimes, I’ll invite another “single” Mom and her kids over for dinner. (Even if it’s just frozen pizza, having another adult to talk to eases the stress and monotony of the day.) Sometimes, I’ll ask Grandma to take baby b. for an afternoon while the noisy boys are at school. Sometimes, I’ll leave the housework and take a nap. I used to feel guilty every time I did anything for myself. After all, I’m a Mother. I’m supposed to do it all, and then some. Talk about running on empty—I had two babies, was chronically sleep deprived, and my husband traveled constantly for business. Nothing says “pay attention to me” like a crisis, and I had a few of them before I realized I couldn’t indefinitely ignore my own needs and still care for my family.

I’ve been thinking about this concept of “filling up” in terms of the Sabbath, too. This past Sunday my husband and I attempted to carve out more time for rest. We talked about what fills our tanks—both individually and as a family. I’m sure we won’t do it perfectly, but we’re making a deliberate attempt to set Sunday apart from the rest of the week and find creative ways to refuel and connect.

How about you? What fills you up?