Thursday, March 15, 2007

long day

I was thinking about this blog the other day, and how it is both more and less of who I really am. I have enough real friends and family reading to keep it real, and yet the temptation is to control and manipulate how people view me. I want you to see me as a Good Mother. A Caring Friend. A Good Christian. And yet the truth is, some days I’m a bad mother, a crummy friend, and a lousy Christian. Like today.

I woke up too early for no good reason. Eager to get to my coffee and Bible, I made my way down the stairs. (See? I had to throw in that bit about the Bible, make myself sound all spiritual.) Anyway, I had a nice quiet time, sent a couple of emails, read my favorite blogs, and started on the newspaper. I even folded a load of laundry and unloaded the dishwasher, all before 7:45. So far, things are looking good, right?

I can’t say that the kids were terrible today, but, well, maybe I can. They were terrible today. It’s like everything they’ve learned about manners and being kind and picking up after themselves all evaporated in their sleep, and they woke up as wild animals. After reminding them four times to do their chores (which consist of getting dressed, making their beds, and putting their dirty dishes in the sink), I happily packed everyone up and went to the YMCA to work out. (And, incidentally, borrowed my husband’s shuffle. Interesting music choices. Spice Girls meets Beethoven meets Urbana Worship meets Bruce Cockburn. I’ve gotta find my ipod.)

I hate to think what the afternoon might have been like if I hadn’t gotten them out of the house for some exercise. Two words: wild monkeys. That along with a teething infant and a tired, dieting mother, is a recipe for disaster. At five o’clock I forfeited my only chance for adult conversation when my husband called from wherever he is this week, but I couldn’t talk because I was too busy making dinner and refereeing the noisy boys, who at that point were hitting each other as hard as they could. (Or, as Twin A helpfully clarified, they weren’t hitting each other, they were trying to chop each other’s arms off.) Nice.

By bedtime, I was yelling at everybody. Not good. But I had seriously had enough. I started thinking about what my life would be like without kids, and you know, it wouldn’t be half bad. Just think of all of the disposable income we’d have. Holy cow! We’d practically be rich without all of these kids to take care of! My stomach wouldn’t be an unattractive mix of craters and scars, and I could spend my days with grown ups, talking about interesting things. I would never say the word, “poop” out loud.

Usually I follow up these raw, honest statements with something like, “Oh, but to look at their sweet faces, I can’t imagine life without them.” But tonight I can imagine life without them. Tomorrow, no doubt, I’ll like everyone again. Tonight I just want a rum and coke and a hot bath. But I’ll settle for a cup of herbal tea and a new episode of Grey’s Anatomy and—hopefully—a good night’s sleep. And that, my friends, is the unedited truth.

11 comments:

L.L. Barkat said...

Sounds like the bath would be a good idea... and, hey, I appreciate the unedited truth. We all have these kinds of days, but we don't all admit it.

Maria Dodson said...

What a great post! You are really great at making the craziness of life with young kids funny! Because - really - it is kinda funny. I love the way you call the twins "the noisy boys". And I'm with you on anything "along with a teething infant and a tired, dieting mother" being a disaster. My son is teething and I'm trying to do wieght watchers and this makes me VERY cranky - so i'm doing my own version of the weight watchers things - because SOMETHING has got to give.:)

Llama Momma said...

LL - God's mercies are new every morning, and for that, I am grateful. Thank you for your kind words.

Maria - You are so sweet! I'm glad you like the humor because, honestly, I don't think I would survive these early years of motherhood without laughter.

I'm a big fan of weight watchers, but you're right--there are moments when something has got to give. (I've also got a lesser-known blog about food and weight watchers. It's called, "Living Well" and is on my blogroll. Shh.. I don't want Craver showing up over there to make fun of me! But, it's there to encourage--and keep me accountable to the two people who read it!)

Al Hsu said...

Llama Momma - I just replied to your comment on my blog, but you can e-mail me at ahsu at ivpress dot com to get your freebie.

Llama Momma said...

Thank you, Al, for stopping by...and for the free book!

Craver Vii said...

Don't worry, I won't make fun of you... over there, ('cause I'm having way too much fun doing it over here!)

(big grin)

Yvonne said...

Well, you pretty much put into words just about everything that I ever felt while trying to raise kids - it is a tough, thankless job, and many times i imagined myself childless. I would want it so bad....but then realize that after a couple of days of that I would be looking for the noisy chaos to be back again. I know I will go through that empty nest syndrome in about 5 years, and it won't be pretty....

spaghettipie said...

LM - Have I told you lately that I LOVE reading your blog? Thanks for sharing this post (and thanks for changing the names and making one daughter into three boys - nice move - so people wouldn't know you were actually talking about me!) Sometimes I definitely feel that way, and sometimes the anger comes out of nowhere. A friend of mine is reading a book called "She's Gonna Blow" and says it's really good.

As you said, thankfully, God's mercies are new every morning, and while we can't make it through each day with it's frustrations on our own strength, He can. Hope you awoke from a good night's sleep to a strong cup of coffee, renewed strength and a sunny day.

spaghettipie said...

By the way, I thought of you today (and the comment you left on my blog) when we walked out the door with our eight pieces of luggage, a stroller, and the dog...no, not going on a trip, just headed to the park for a picnic.

Llama Momma said...

Thank you, all, for your encouraging words! And thank you, God, for grace.

Just got back from the Hearts at Home conference. Obviously, my "Mommy tank" needed a refill. Good reminders...good lessons...more on that later this week!

Al Hsu said...

Say, I never got an e-mail from you with your snail mail address. (We've been having e-mail problems again, I think.) Could you resend so I can get your freebie to you? Maybe cc to aehsu at core dot com.