Saturday, May 24, 2008

California wildfires, cancer and a bike ride

Winding through the neighborhood on my bike, I reach the trail. Everyone tells me this is a good place to ride, but I’m suspicious. It’s hard to shake the memories of bike riding through the mountains in California and be satisfied with this meandering path through the prairie, but I take a deep breath and embrace what is: this trail with its tall grasses and singing birds, fresh spring air, a measure of silence.

I breathe in the crisp air, sweet as Boone’s Farm wine, and quickly become intoxicated with its healing beauty.

My thoughts wander back and forth like the dirt trail I ride on. Even after almost seven years, I miss California. I consider the out of control wildfires there, grateful my mother moved away from Santa Cruz a couple of years ago.

I pray for Leslie, a constant prayer I’ve prayed all week: God have mercy. Be present to her. Heal her. Please, God. Heal her.

I coast down a hill and feel the cobwebs in my soul scatter, leaving me exposed; vulnerable. I ride along quietly with a keen awareness of God’s gentle presence. Unanswered questions sit between us. We’re quiet, like estranged lovers who run into each other at the mall, both waiting for the other one to say the first word.

A character in the story I’m writing dances in my mind, and I’m dying to write it all down. I consider cutting across the path and over to Starbucks where I can scribble on napkins, but I need to get home and shower, go to the grocery store, clean the kitchen floor. So I head back home instead.

7 comments:

FrazzMom said...

Glad to hear that you got out of the house for a while. It's raining here... Bad for bike riding, but good for wildfires...

Kelsey Smith said...

Isnt it so nice to just get out! I wish I could take a bike ride

Llama Momma said...

Frazzmom -- I'm glad to hear it's raining there! That's a VERY good thing!

Kelsey -- It is good to get out. And I LOVE my bike. Love it.

23 degrees said...

Love hearing what goes on in your heart and mind, my friend.

And, so I can hear more: you have been tagged. Find details at: http://earthaxis.blogspot.com/2008/05/six-random-things.html

Chaotic Joy said...

"feel the cobwebs in my soul scatter"

You paint the picture perfectly. I'm blog surfing through my insomnia and found your place. I have really enjoyed looking around.

Llama Momma said...

23 degrees -- thank YOU, my friend! I was tagged by LL awhile back too. It's hard to think of six interesting random things, you know? I've never really wanted to be a rodeo clown or anything...

chaotic joy -- thanks for stopping by! And I hope you can get a nap today! :-)

Marmot Mom said...

Good stuff. Keep it up :)