Thursday, February 4, 2010

asking for help

I read somewhere that women would rather choke to death (literally) than call attention to themselves. I believe it.

Recently, a friend (who will remain nameless*) was up all night in pain. She didn't call a friend to drive her to the ER because she didn't want to bother anyone. She waited until morning to send an email asking for help. She didn't want anyone to be alarmed by a late-night or early morning phone call even though it was, um, an emergency.

I gave her a terrible time the next day, and I'm hopeful that next time, she will call when she has an emergency. I like to think I would, but who am I kidding? I hate to put people out too. (Maybe that's why we're friends?)

I know I'm not alone in this.

We all know a "needy Nelly" who is constantly bombarding us with requests for a favor, and we don't want to be like her. So we suffer along, hoping things will get better or someone will just magically know what we need without our asking. And along the way, we rob the people closest to us from the opportunity to serve because we never let on that things aren't just fine thankyouverymuch.

So, ladies, how about a New Year's resolution to ask for help from a friend when we need it? I'm not talking about a generic facebook plea, I'm talking about reaching out to a real, live friend and asking specifically for what we need. Something like:

-- I'm scared to go for my mammogram because last time they found something fuzzy and I never followed up. Will you go with me?

--I'm depressed. Will you pray for me?

-- Can we get together for coffee soon? I really need to talk to a friend.

-- Can I drop my kids off this weekend for a few hours? My husband and I need to get out alone.

You get the idea. And next time you think you might need to go to the ER and your husband is out of town? Call a friend. They'll be glad to help.

* Details have been changed to protect privacy. My friend will be fine.


Sues said...

This is so true! I find it easy to ask for prayer, but that's it.

Llama Momma said...

Me too, Sues.

Because, you know, prayer is so spiritual and all. But calling a friend because your babies have the runs and you're out of diapers? Hard. to. do.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I love this. It IS hard to ask for help, especially when we have to admit we can't do it all ourselves. Thanks for this. Hope you are well!

Crazy 8 said...

Very WELL said. Thanks Robyn!

elizabeth embracing life said...

My blog today totally exposes my need for help, and very specific about it. It IS NOT IN OUR NATURE. Fun to read this and remind myself how to not look so busy so one would ask for help from me.

Llama Momma said...

Hi Charity! I think that's exactly why God wants us to ask for admit we CAN'T do it all on our own. (It seems He's a big fan of that one.)

Crazy 8 -- I spent WAY too much time figuring out who you were...J...right? :-)

Elizabeth -- thanks for stopping by. While I think it's fine to put your need "out there" on a blog, that wasn't quite what I was getting at here. I think God wants us to humble ourselves and reach out the the people around us -- to actually ask someone, not just put it out there for "whoever" might see it.

Blessings on your journey!

Mommy Cracked said...

I completely agree and love this. I always worry that I woulod be bothering someone to ask for their help. I'm trying to get passed that.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I would even feel comfortable asking for prayer - for others, maybe, but not for myself. And, it's funny, but when i feel depressed i tend to retreat - not reach out and ask for companionship. I don't want to BURDEN anyone! then I just get more depressed! great ideas and suggestions - thanks, llama mama! Suzy

オテモヤン said...


PattyK said...

Robyn, that was an amazing blog piece. You are truly a gifted writer.