Saturday, May 9, 2009

naked and unashamed

According to my husband, a good night’s sleep and a hearty breakfast can fix just about anything. Well, not really, but it can give a person the needed perspective to simply deal with what is.

After a great night’s sleep in my quiet hotel room and a hot breakfast prepared by someone else, I enjoy a leisurely morning of writing, reading and email.

Then as I get ready to climb into the shower, I glance at my reflection in the mirror. (For the record, there are good reasons I don’t have a very large mirror in my bathroom.) As I climb into the shower, I begin to beat myself up. You really need to tone up that flab, lose some weight. And where did those wrinkles around your eyes come from? Is there cream for that? You should pay more attention to these things.

And then I hear myself and stop. Because, really, why do I need to beat myself up when I’m on a desperately needed getaway? What does God want for me today? Surely He’s not looking down at me thinking, “Wow. She’d be great if only she’d drop a few pounds and work out more.”

How can I see myself the way God sees me? Can I see the woman in the mirror, in need of rest, and just curl up and take a nap? Can I see the wrinkles around my eyes with gratitude, for the years and laughter He’s blessed me with? Can I see my chipped nails and chapped hands and acknowledge my own hard work caring for my family each day? Can I look at a body that has had the privilege of hosting life, and respect myself for that sacrifice? Can I see a woman who nurtures her children day in and day out, remembering all that I do, not all that I don’t do?

I stand in the shower and let the water wash over me. I remember grace, and breathe a prayer of thanks. Yes. Grace. It’s the only way I can stand before God. The only way any of us can stand.

How does God see you today? How do you see yourself?


PattyK said...

Amen and amen. Thank you for this change in focus that we all need sometimes. To see ourselves as God sees us . . . there's what we truly long for. It's fun to take Facebook quizzes and find out "what color is your aura?" or "What Star Trek character are you?"--but the only one who truly sees us is the one who designed us. And I know that when he looks at you, he laughs with joy and delight.

MamaToo said...

I love this post, and your honest eye-level glance into life. Happy Mother's Day, Llama Momma.

much afraid said...

This is just what I needed today. Did you write it just for me? :)

Happy Mother's Day, Llama Momma.

Llama Momma said...

Thank you, Patty. You bless!!

And MamaToo! So good to hear your voice. Happy Mother's Day to you too!

much afraid--I decided to write all these crazy thoughts down because I know that most women I know struggle with this. Just keeping it real. Happy Mother's Day to you, too. I hope you found a way to celebrate yourself. You deserve it.

L.L. Barkat said...

And you are beautiful... Just remember your amazing green eyes and loving smile and lovelier heart.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post Llama Momma :-)
I *so* agree with you :)

Marmot Mom said...

Wow. This one goes deep. Nice job LM! I am posting this near my computer. Love you.